Roses Are Red, Violets Are Posted: Valentines for Your Followers

Audrey Owens

Thanks to social media, many experiences have become performative. People post for social approval and extrinsic image rather than simply enjoying the experience. In many ways, holidays have amounted to this as well. Take, for example: Valentine’s Day. 

Feb. 14 was first declared a holiday in A.D. 496 by Pope Gelasius I as a feast day to honor Saint Valentine, but it didn’t become associated with love until the 14th century, when English poet Geoffrey Chaucer linked the day to birds choosing mates. Since then, it has evolved into a day when partners and married couples can put their obligations aside for the night and focus on spending quality time together. Except it’s not really quite that anymore, largely because of social media. 

Today, there is a societal expectation that couples post one another. If you’re in a relationship, share it. Because it doesn’t really count if no one sees it, right? 

While it’s not inherently bad to post your partner, it does take away the privacy from something that was initially meant to be shared between two people, not the whole world.

With a post or a highlight reel, suddenly an internet full of acquaintances, estranged friends and complete strangers is now aware of your relationship status. It invites prying eyes to become overly invested in couples they have nothing to do with. Separation becomes more publicized because surely John and Natalie must have broken up if he didn’t post her on her birthday. 

Valentine’s Day is this, but on steroids. 

On a day when social media accounts are flooded with story after story displaying public declarations of affection, problems can arise from posting. Cheaters are revealed when it becomes apparent the girl you saw him with last week was very much not the girl he posted. Or maybe he’s not cheating, but rumors can become rampant.

The intimacy is gone as social media creates room for comparison and insecurities that may not have previously existed in the relationship. If person X’s social media feed shows 20 couples going on nice dinners or giving full bouquets of roses, suddenly person X has an issue with how their Valentine’s Day went compared with John and Natalie’s. (They’re actually not broken up — false alarm.) 

Not to mention, it can become a sore subject if one person expects to be posted, but the other doesn’t want to post them. Conflicts like trust issues, timing and money become exacerbated once an online presence is involved. 

So, with Feb. 14 having come and gone, it’s important to remember Valentine’s Day was meant to be a day about cherishing one another, not the internet’s approval.