A Totally Calm Year in Politics (Said No One Ever)

Kelby Chichester

I hope everyone enjoyed the brief silence from my “annoying takes,” because unfortunately, reality has forced me back into your lives.  

And wow what a time to be alive, enrolled in college, and watching the news like it’s a poorly written drama that somehow got renewed for another season.  

Let’s start in January, because why ease into chaos when you can just dive headfirst into it?  

The United States decided to conduct airstrikes in Venezuela, capture President Nicolás Maduro, and bring him to New York on charges.  

Yes, that is a real sentence. No, it is not the plot of the next Call of Duty. At this point, foreign policy feels less like diplomacy and more like someone spun a globe and said, “Yeah, that one.”  

Meanwhile, back at home, the government briefly shut down on January 31 because nothing says stability like lawmakers missing their own deadlines.  

Don’t worry, though, a bipartisan deal came through at the last minute, proving once again that Congress only works best when there’s a ticking clock and nationwide panic involved.  

Fast forward to April, where things somehow got even more surreal.  

At the White House Correspondents' Dinner, shots were fired near a security checkpoint, leading to the evacuation of President Donald Trump and other officials. Because apparently even the one night dedicated to journalism and satire couldn’t escape becoming breaking news.  

Inside the administration, turnover continues like it’s a revolving door competition.  

Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth has faced impeachment threats, and leadership positions keep changing faster than students switch majors during midterms.  

On immigration, policies aimed at making deportations easier especially for DACA recipients have sparked legal battles, protests, and widespread backlash.  

At the same time, reports of fatal encounters involving ICE agents, including the deaths of Renee Nicole Good and Alex Pretti in Minneapolis, along with multiple deaths in custody, have only intensified scrutiny. Seventeen reported shooting incidents in just a few months. Seventeen.  

At what point does this stop being “policy” and start being something far more alarming?  

If that wasn’t enough, millions of Americans took to the streets in the nationwide “No Kings” protests.  

By late March, an estimated eight million people participated in over 3,300 events. Cities like Los Angeles saw mass demonstrations, arrests, and tear gas.  

Additional protests in April targeted plans to expand immigrant detention centers because apparently converting warehouses into mass detention facilities sounded like a good idea to someone, somewhere.  

And then there’s foreign policy–again. Relations with Iran escalated into full-scale conflict following the collapse of negotiations. 

The United States and Israel launched coordinated strikes, prompting retaliation from Iran that damaged infrastructure and caused civilian casualties across the region.  

The closure of the Strait of Hormuz disrupted a significant portion of the world’s oil supply, while discussions of regime change raised serious legal and ethical questions under international law.  

But sure, tell us more about how this was all part of the plan.  

Domestically, things didn’t exactly calm down either. The release of documents tied to Jeffrey Epstein, under the Epstein Files Transparency Act was supposed to provide answers.  

Instead, it delivered heavily redacted pages, raising more questions than it answered. High-profile names across political and social spheres, including figures like Bill Clinton, our own Pres and Prince Andrew, were linked or mentioned, though much of the information remains obscured.  

What wasn’t redacted painted a disturbing picture of exploitation and abuse that frankly defies comprehension.  

And because no modern political news cycle is complete without at least one story that feels like it was pulled straight from a South Park pitch meeting, let’s talk about the internet’s latest obsession.

Bryon Noem, husband of former DHS Secretary and South Dakota Gov. Kristi Noem found himself trending after a tabloid report claimed he was living a “secret double life,” including cross-dressing and interacting online in ways that quickly sent social media into a frenzy.  

According to reports, Kristi Noem was “devastated,” which, if true, adds a deeply personal layer to what has already become a very public spectacle.  

Now, to be clear, people’s private lives are exactly that, private.  

But the irony hasn’t exactly been lost on the internet, especially given how loudly some political figures and their allies have positioned themselves on issues of morality and personal conduct.   

And just when you think the timeline couldn’t get any more absurd, political discourse took a sharp turn into…AI-generated imagery. Yes, criticism toward Trump spiked not over policy decisions, human rights concerns, or war but because he shared an AI-generated image depicting himself as Jesus Christ.  

That’s where we are. That’s the headline that broke through.  

Oh—and in case you thought we were done there are growing concerns about a potential military draft tied to escalating conflicts abroad.  

Which is especially ironic considering earlier promises about avoiding new wars. College students, you might want to keep an eye on that between finals and graduation plans.  

At some point, it stops feeling like individual events and starts feeling like one long, continuous “Are you serious?”  

So here we are, April 2026.  

Protests in the streets, conflicts overseas, political scandals at home, and just enough absurdity to make you question whether this is real life or an elaborate simulation designed to test our patience.